I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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