It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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