then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Still dying that you shit outside
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
