Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize