he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
