i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
