found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
