i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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