Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
