Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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