I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
