my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
