She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
