I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize