R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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