she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
