It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news, I just burned my penis
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
