Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
