Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want her autograph on my taint
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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