Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
