Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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