yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
