i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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