Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
