Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You dont lie about slip and slides
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
