I think I am morally bankrupt
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
