No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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