Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
