i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
