Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
