He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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