Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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