Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am available for nakedness
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
