We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
