woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
