I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize