blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
