I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
