omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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