The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize