It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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