My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
