I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize