i just wanna soil my oats bro
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
