I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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