Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
