So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
4 words: hood of his car
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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