You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
