there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize