I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
