yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
