Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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