Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
