Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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