People in love make me want to vomit
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we should paint friendship bongs
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