oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
