Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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