he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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