Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
