do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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