dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
