so explain again why im purple
no
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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