I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize