the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
