Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
