Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
