They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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