Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
