She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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