I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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