Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize