textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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