at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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