Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
