I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You took a bar mat shot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
