There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
