The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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