if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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