knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
