It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
