True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
