She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
