She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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