Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We are two peas in an std pod
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
