I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
