he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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