we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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