We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
