dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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