Well douche your snatch and let's go!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize