listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
