If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
smell my finger.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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