i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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