her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
